I'm going to Bristol as i wished which is good and i'm happy about it.

 

it's just... i'm not as excited as i should be. i'm not going to be bitter about this one mark crisis. i got in after all. guess it just gave me some sort of excuse to let myself get out what has been repressed for so long.

 

i don't understand why this ALWAYS happen to me! i thought i totally messed up my maths exam because there were only 4 questions and i couldn't do half of them. i tried my best anyway but i never thought it'd came up to be 100%... crazy world. i totally do NOT believe it. got full mark for psychology again :) i knew i did well so it wasn't a shock (well even if it was, it would be a nice one). so that leaves business... i did good in unit 6 but somehow just don't understand why everybody got rubbish grades in unit 5... like literally everybody. even people outside cokethorpe who did business. but i got a good grade overall which was a relieve (well kind of)... if you call that is.

 

i feel like i've been waiting for all those two years for this particular day. kim's mum said you are such a clever girl. i'm not. seriously i'm not. i just worked hard cos i thought that's what i'm expected to do. i did it for those people i care more than anything. mum and dad was hoping i could get into yucai and i did it. and now i did this... i've done it but neither of them is here with me... i don't know what to think now, i really don't... it's just i don't want to let people down. oh god i have to stop it!!! have to cheer up and move on...

 

but i can't do it right now... people were like lets go out and celebrate! but i don't feel like to. i need isolation. maybe just for today. then i'll be fine again.

 

i really should do something for myself shouldn't i?